Beat Fear Of Rejection

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You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide

I’m so happy to discuss this oh so fabulous subject we all love to experience of ya know…being rejected. We all love being rejected, right? LOL. Ummm, not so much. However being rejected is a big part of being a living, breathing human being. So we might as well learn how to deal with it then. Because unfortunately we can’t run from it, as much as we might try. Eventually this life lesson will catch you if you try to run.

Rejection is a part of life. So it’s easier if we just accept this as such and learn what to emotionally expect from the experience which can run the gauntlet from sadness to pure rage. Because I’m not going to wrap it in cotton candy and sugarcoat it; I’m going to keep it real with you. Rejection is horrid (only kind of being sarcastic). It’s not really that fun to experience for anybody.

The good news though is that first of all, you’ll live. Yea! And second of all, it’s just emotions that you’ll experience as a result of rejection. And once you know what these emotions are all about and how to handle them, you’ll be ready and able. This doesn’t mean you’ll be able to avoid them. This just means you’ll be able to get through them and live to see the other side. Stronger and wiser for going through the experience.

The Dark Helps Us See The Stars

So I’m not saying rejection is going to be pleasant. But it is in fact part of life, and life’s not always pleasant. Life is a mixed bag of both wonderful, blissful experiences and not-so-much! That’s life. If you look at it from a different angle, it’s actually quite beautiful. If we didn’t have the negative experiences in life, we wouldn’t be able to recognize or appreciate the wonderful experiences anyway! So experiencing the negative actually helps us truly appreciate the positive. Quite amazing how that works, isn’t it?

Don’t Ever Let Fear Stop You

The most important thing when it comes to rejection is that you can not let the fear of rejection (as awful as it can feel) stop you from going for what you want in life! That is rule number one. Don’t ever let the fear of rejection ever prevent you from going for what you want in life.

Don’t let fear stop you from pursuing your dreams. Don’t let it stop you from going for that job you really want and increasing your income like we talked about in the blog and podcast Here Come The Income. Don’t let it stop you from asking that special someone out on a date with you. Don’t let it stop you from taking a class or traveling to that special place you want to visit. Whatever it is that your heart and soul desires, don’t let the fear of rejection ever stop you from doing it!

The Most Important “Like” Is Yours

Sometimes we honestly care way too much what others think of us. And it’s not that we shouldn’t care at all. Because there is a balance with everything in life. But the number one person who you should care who loves you or not; or accepts you or not; or is proud of you or not is…YOU.

Ask yourself these questions: Are you happy with yourself and your choices? Are you listening to your own inner guidance and being authentic to you? Are you proud of yourself? The answers to these questions are certainly far more important than if anyone else likes you or not.

Don’t get me wrong. There is definitely balance needed. You don’t want to be like the Greek god Narcissus and stare at your reflection in a pool all day to ponder how absolutely fabulous you are. Please don’t be that person either! LOL. Humility is a much needed and valuable characteristic to possess.

But you should also be proud, strong and confident of who you are. Value your own opinion and your own truth, even if it conflicts with what others think is best (and what they think “is best for you”). Are you going to be rejected sometimes for going against the grain? Yes you will. But that’s where the confidence and strength come into play.

Your Voice Matters

There are different forms of rejection. Sometimes people may reject you by trying to make you think they know better than you do (even about your own life…the nerve!;). So people may outright reject your voice and your opinion. In order to battle this type of rejection, you must first understand who you are and what you believe. Then you will need to stand strong in your own truth, power and inner wisdom when people try to outright reject your voice.

And let me be clear. There is a difference between rejection and collaboration. Rejection is “I know better,” “Sit down and look pretty,” and/or “Shhh, let me do all the talking” people who try to make you think your opinion doesn’t matter as much as their’s because, well, they know better (duh). They are smarter, more educated, tougher and/or fill-in-the-blank of what they WANT you to think they are in comparison to you.

But they are wrong. Your voice does matter. Each one of our voice’s matters. So reject that reject’s nonsense. Especially when it comes to your own life choices! Your voice is the absolute most important when it comes to your own life choices. Period.

There Is Value In True Collaboration

Collaboration is the opposite of this aforementioned rejection. Collaboration is when someone wants to discuss a topic with you and work as a team to develop the best solution for all parties. With collaboration, all voices are heard before coming up with a final decision.

Collaboration usually produces optimal results because there is diversification of opinion which is a good thing. It allows you to see a situation from many angles and helps you to avoid potential blind spots. Even with collaboration though if it’s concerning your own life choice, you must ultimately make the final call. And remember from the blog and podcast Strategy, collaboration should only occur with the people you actually trust.

You Are Enough

Another common type of rejection is when others try to make us feel like we are “not enough”.

So “not enough” can apply to many areas in our lives. It can mean not good enough, smart enough, qualified enough, pretty enough, handsome enough, skinny enough, tough enough, lovable enough, educated enough, etc. Fill in the blank of whatever someone wants you to believe you are “not enough” of in the moment of your rejection.

But I’m here to tell you this is NOT true. You are enough. You were born enough, and you will always be enough. No matter what you do or don’t do. You are enough.

We Still Want To Grow

This doesn’t mean we can’t improve. I’m all for self-improvement and growth! This also doesn’t mean it hurts any less when others make us feel “not enough”. Because we’ve all been made to feel this way many times in our lives. Probably too many to count.

But if you understand this is part of the human experience, then you can better handle it going forward. So for example when you walk out of that miserable interview where you are rudely rejected, you can now walk out with your head high! Or when you leave that horrific date that you thought had great potential from your online conversations, you can now leave with dignity and grace! Knowing full well that it actually is not you. Because you are enough…just the way you are.

It’s Not You, It’s Them

If someone acts a fool and tries to make you feel “less than” or like “your voice doesn’t matter”, that is a reflection on their character. Not on yours. They are the fool. Not you. So don’t get that twisted. Think about all the people who try to make you feel “less than”. Are you the problem or are they?

It’s still going to hurt, I’m not going to lie. It’s probably going to at least sting a little. But take it on the chin and remember it’s a reflection on the other person. Not on you. And then move on like the bad boss that you are. You are all good baby!

The follow quote by theologian and poet, John Henry Newman, sums up this topic nicely:

“Nothing would be done at all if one waited until one could do it so well that no one could find fault with it.”

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